father’sday || an inseparable meditation

father's day

the day is yesterday –
over.

the day fathers are universally praised:
“best man I know”
“made me who I am”
“strongest”
“kindest”
“amazing”
“love.love.love.love.love”

amnesia takes hold,
erases all pain and failure.

false self-defining memories take over,
reshaping the days of youth gone by.

gushing for what might have been –
for some, what was,
for most, the dream.

the day of forgetting.

*how was my day, you ask?

–response #1–
I received wonderful gifts,
love from my wife and children,
rest and good food –
it was a lovely day to be a dad.

my dream is giving my offspring little to misrepresent in the future, to their children and spouses, to their memories.

–response #2–
“Happy Father’s Day!”
no response.
luckily, no surprise, either –
only sadness, regret, ire, resignation.
reminiscent of “Happy Mother’s Day” 2017,
a goddam clone, in fact.

I’ve never been the man I could have been, or perhaps even should have been.

•••
what I have now overshadows all i missed then,
and in 364 days we’ll do it all again.

father’sday 2018, it’s a date.