We all have choices to make. [Cliche, I know, but bear with me.] Daily decisions that, however imperceptibly, shape the course of our lives. No matter how badly we want something, or claim to want it, or think we want it, at the end of it all, our actions show most clearly what we want. This has been one of the basic thought pieces I’ve puzzled with over the last several months. Human beings can say and think whatever we want, but unless we act, essentially nothing will happen. We choose what we engage, and life moves on, leaving us with the consequences of our decisions.
On to concept application:
I can claim that I want to be a writer, but if I rarely write and never attempt to publish, what really do I want? The questions all remain. The puzzle pieces, unorganized…I’m unsure if they even form a cogent image when complete.
What is it I truly want? What am I doing to get there? Do I even want what I keep telling myself I do? What holds me back? Am I scared? Of what? Rejection? Lack of talent? Failure? Do I even know what I want?
I don’t know that I can honestly answer all of the questions, or that I even want to know what my deepest fears and desires are. But I do know how to begin to address the daily struggle – write.
So here’s to hoping that I follow through with my idea and actually put pen to paper (or keystrokes to Google Doc, more accurately) and put a bit of writing out into the world. And hopefully not too much of it will include my conversations with myself over a cold beer in the middle of the night. Those talks are far too redundant. And boring, even for me.
I’ll end today’s brief reflection with this article I read yesterday, a fantastic quote, very reminiscent of something Flannery O’Connor also said…it makes me think even more about my writing – “A lot of writers say it’s about communication. It isn’t. I write for me. I write because I have something to say to me.” (Rabih Alameddine: “My Existence is Uncomfortable for People”)
I’m thinking tomorrow we’ll have something more creative.